Space and God's Greatness

Need a humbling reminder of the greatness of our God? Take a look at these spectacular images by Nasa.
http://twistedsifter.com/2011/11/15-mind-blowing-featured-images-by-nasa/
http://vimeo.com/32001208

Enjoy!

My Father...

Top 11 Gourmet Albums of 2011

The top 11 Gourmet Albums of 2011 as listed by Under the Radar:
http://ht.ly/8d3mu

Two of my absolute favorite albums made this list! Make sure to check out Josh Garrel's Love and War,  and the Sea Inbetween, and also The Civil Wars Barton Hollow.

My Upmost For His Highest

How many times in a day do you hear someone say, "Do you know Oswald Chamber's My Upmost For His Highest? You have to read 12/27... So powerful!"

Pretty much never.

However, today must be a different sort of day, because two completely different people in two completely different situations said the exact same words to me. Sometimes, the Lord is pretty blunt when He wants me to hear something.

"Our battles are first won or lost in the secret places of our will in God’s presence, never in full view of the world. The Spirit of God seizes me and I am compelled to get alone with God and fight the battle before Him. Until I do this, I will lose every time. The battle may take one minute or one year, but that will depend on me, not God. However long it takes, I must wrestle with it alone before God, and I must resolve to go through the hell of renunciation or rejection before Him. Nothing has any power over someone who has fought the battle before God and won there.
I should never say, “I will wait until I get into difficult circumstances and then I’ll put God to the test.” Trying to do that will not work. I must first get the issue settled between God and myself in the secret places of my soul, where no one else can interfere. Then I can go ahead, knowing with certainty that the battle is won. Lose it there, and calamity, disaster, and defeat before the world are as sure as the laws of God. The reason the battle is lost is that I fight it first in the external world. Get alone with God, do battle before Him, and settle the matter once and for all.
In dealing with other people, our stance should always be to drive them toward making a decision of their will. That is how surrendering to God begins. Not often, but every once in a while, God brings us to a major turning point— a great crossroads in our life. From that point we either go toward a more and more slow, lazy, and useless Christian life, or we become more and more on fire, giving our utmost for His highest— our best for His glory."


There is a specific area of my life that I need to do battle before the Lord. Its fruits have been confusion and fear. I can easily admit that I know this, and that in order to move forward at all, I need to settle this matter once and for all.

Lord, I surrender to you... because my greatest desire and burning passion is to give my upmost for Your glory and praise. I know that with You, victory and peace are possible. You have shown it to be true in every area I have surrendered to You, and you will continue to show it to be true in every aspect of my future. To You be all Glory.

Lifehouse's Everything Skit - Upper Room (Updated)

I have been looking for this video ever since I saw it a couple of years ago at an Easter service. It finally surfaced on fb!

So powerful!

Genesis... The Beginning.

Genesis 1 & Psalm 19

  

It is where the foundations are built. It is where we first learn about God- who He is and what He has done. It is where the building blocks to our faith can be found.

How interesting that the author did not see fit to include philosophic arguments for the existence of God or how He created the universe. How interesting that instead, simple truths are found.

It begins with the Creator. I love the picture C.S. Lewis paints of the creation of Narnia in The Magician’s Nephew. The Lion breathes life into His creation; He speaks life into His creation. You can feel the energy and youthful radiance from this newly created world. It comes from a rumbling in the deep places of the earth, and it can’t help but burst forth in the sweet fragrance and colors of new life. All creation sings and dances with radiant energy. “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.” (Ps 19:1-4)

God speaks Creation. Creation speaks God. (Chiasm... ahem!)

From what we know of studying Hebrew literature… the story finds it’s entire purpose at the first point of dialogue. From there, the entire depiction of a person’s character is determined by what they say. “And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light. God saw the light was good…” (Ge 1:3)

The entire character of God is brought forth in these two sentences. He is the Creator. He speaks and there is light. He is the one who brings light to the darkness. He is the one who determines what is good.

Now, I should know better than to take a historical fact and read more meaning into it than what is there. However, how curious is it that God’s first words would be “Let there be light” when darkness was about to enter into mankind’s hearts?

Granted, Genesis 1 does not deal with Original Sin. However, it does mention the First Dispensation: Innocence. Man, created by God, was entrusted with the stewardship of innocence right from the beginning. Ever since we lost our innocence there has been a fight over the souls of mankind for it. The Psalmist says, “Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression.” (Ps 19:13)

... recognizing that I cannot fully embrace my destiny as a daughter of God Almighty, without fully embracing my spiritual history, what does this mean?

It means that God is God and I am not. 

Easy words are so elementary and basic… but more difficult to comprehend and truly let sink into my soul. It is much easier to think in terms of me, mine, and my. I would be lying if I tried to say that I wasn’t painfully aware of the decisions I make in this self-absorbed mindset. Instead, if I am to fully embrace my destiny, I must realize that in my beginnings there must be a deeply rooted humility and respect, with eyes fixed upon the Creator. I truly desire to know the fullness of His grace, I want to know every aspect of His character that He desires to reveal to me. This means going back to basics... working it out each overly used statement and cliche, and letting it truly sink into my heart and soul. 

Date a Girl Who Reads

"If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She'll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you're better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads."

I don't know if I even want to admit from which celebrity I snatched this quote from, but......well.......      

I read! *grin*

Ulysses-Love and War and the Sea In Between

Hello Loved Ones.
Recently I have been listening to Josh Garrel's latest album Love and War and the Sea In Between. I highly recommend listening to his album from start to finish, as it is beautifully written, and assembled with thoughtfulness and consideration for the story it strives to tell.

One song, Ulysses, stands out to me in particular. Although there are clearly multiple layers of meaning in the lyrics, I would like to mention just one:

Do not lose hope in love.

Hope in love whether you have ever loved before, whether you've had your heart broken, or whether you've never experienced it. It is so easy to lose hope that someday love will bring you home when these things make the journey seem like an eternity.

I love talking about God and how He has revealed Himself to me. I love spending time in His presence and I love sharing this with other people. It has not always been so. There was a season in my life where I was very far from home. A broken heart was what kept me from sailing there. Spiritually, God has carried me home, filled my heart with joy and contentment, and restored what was broken... but there is something less metaphorical in this song that I think many, myself included, can relate to.

I am not talking about sappy romance... I am talking about a longing for the intimacy that comes from knowing someone in and out, loving them, and knowing that they see you the same way. This is something that I hear captured in this song. It is a beautiful description of the voyage of opening one's heart and in making the conscious choice to believe that love does exist... that it is beautiful, and that it is worth the difficulties.

For those of us who have had our hearts broken, this song is a prayer that those bonds of brokenness will not keep us from finding love again. I love how the music crescendos into a striking release of any bitterness, anger, or sadness. It is a stunning demonstration of what needs to happen in order for broken hearts to be carried home. I fully believe that this determination... this outpouring... this releasing... it is in these moments that broken hearts are carried home.

Oh... and I would also like to mention... having had a broken heart at some point in time doesn't make you less lovable or less capable of loving... in fact it is quite the opposite. The heart is truly unique.

This song has quickly become a favorite... one that I can listen to over and over again.

Flight Of The Conchords - Jenny

Telephone - Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce - Classical Cover by Aston

Ummm... YES please!

Faithful One

Hello Loved Ones.

This last month seems like a blur of absolute insanity.

I’m coming to understand the harsh realities that lie in the frailty of my own existence.

I suppose at first glance that may seem like a truly depressing statement, but in actuality the events of the past month have forced me to look to the One who is the Beginning and End. I have been learning a side of my Lord’s character that I did not fully grasp before, and in turn have had a greater sense of joy, peace, and hope than I have ever before.

He is the Faithful One.

My grandmother passed away this last month. This has been a truly difficult and unexpected struggle. After spending the last few days that my grandmother was alive taking care of her in the hospital, I can say for certain that I have come to a new understanding of death. It’s horrid. It’s gruesome, disfiguring, and unforgiving.

And then God’s faithfulness…

He is faithful in the little things. He is faithful in the big things. He has always been faithful and always will be. This solid truth has brought about a subtle transformation in my heart. It allows me to lament, to grieve, but does not leave me in that place. It is the only thing that allows me to face the realities and the frailness of my existence and still know God’s love and grace. This is the hope that I am coming to know…. The faithfulness of God lived out, day to day. Joy overwhelms me in seeing His work on this intimate level.

I wish I could find this song without video… but this is as close as it gets…

Disney's Fantasia 2000 - Firebird

Currently working on a cello piece for this... I have no idea how I'm going to do it without an orchestra, but it's worth a shot!

The Civil Wars - To Whom It May Concern

The Civil Wars - "Barton Hollow": SXSW 2011 Showcasing Artist

Well, it makes it quite difficult to save things to my "inspiration wall" when you tube keeps on deleting music videos for copyright infringements.... stupid you tube.

Trust

I did what I could.

Faced with uncertainty, I mustered up the strength to say it out loud.

... and I'm proud that I did. Even if others told me I shouldn't. Now I do not need to worry about the uncertainty of unanswered questions. I have my answer... even if it wasn't what I had hoped.

Now what?

Trust.

That's all I can do.

I can trust that things will work themselves out. I can trust that my leap of faith won't go unnoticed. I can trust that the Lord knows best.

The Swell Season - Falling Slowly

A new... but old favorite!

Babbet Can Cook and Jesus Can Redeem

Hello Loved Ones.

My heart is turned toward the topic of grace this week. Prompted by an outstanding sermon given by Matt Heard on Sunday, I seem to have finally found the wording to describe what I desire my attitude towards God to look like. I desire to be a woman who basks in the fullness of His extravagant grace, recognizing the beautiful nuances of this gift, and amazed by promises held in salvation. I want to grow in my understanding of His ways and see His signature on every part of my being.

I highly recommend taking a bit of time to listen to Matt's sermon by clicking here. It is titled "Extravagant Grace Pt 1:Welcome to the Table-Ephesians 1:6-8." Matt walks us through the story of Babbet and two elderly sisters who are a part of a strict religious sect. "Babbet can cook" is the mysterious phrase, one to which Matt relates "Jesus can redeem." This is a fascinating story that brings into light the importance of knowing God, recognizing His handwork, and of course what the implications of such understanding are.

The reality is this. I have two choices: to be complacent or to be content. Complacency is the far easier choice as it requires very little effort. Contentment is an entirely different animal. A.W. Tozer wrote, "Self-righteousness is terrible among God's people. If we feel that we currently am what we ought to be, then we will remain exactly where we are. We can not expect for there to be any sign of change or growth in our our lives. This will quite naturally lead us to judge everyone by what we are. This is the judgment of which we must be careful. To judge others by ourselves is to create havoc in the local assembly. Self-righteousness also leads to complacency. Complacency is a great sin and covers just about everything I have said about the rote and the rut. Some have the attitude, 'Lord, I'm satisfied with my spiritual condition. I hope one of these days You will come, I will be taken up to meet You in the air and I will rule over five cities.' These people cannot rule over their own houses and families, but they expect to rule over five cities. They pray spottily and sparsely, rarely attending prayer meeting, but they read their Bibles and expect to go zooming off into the blue yonder and join the Lord in the triumph of the victorious saints." I love this description of the seriousness of self-righteousness and complacency. This false sense of contentment is just that... a lie. It is a lie that keeps people from experiencing God's grace, and ultimately desiring to see His kingdom furthered. Wow!

Contentment, on the other hand, is found in the deeply rooted belief that God IS good, and that He desires good for me. This is a tricky statement, but really now, can I say God desires bad for me? No! His desire for me is good! He wants me to experience His extravagant grace, He wants me to know Him, He wants me to understand the importance of what He has done for me. He wants me to know these things, not only because He wishes good for me, but also because He wants His signature to be on my life. When His signature is on my being, He calls me to a place in His kingdom, one that comes from His great desire to have others know in every fabric of their being these truths.

The Colonel couldn't stop singing praises over Babbet's dinner, whereas the other guests absolutely refused to enjoy it. What a stark difference and gut-wrenching reality a the thought of such a beautiful gift! Being an avid food lover myself, I cannot imagine not gushing over such an extravagant and carefully planned meal. While I wish to exemplify the "Colonel" in my attitude at the table of God's grace, I also will confess that many times I have the attitude of the two sisters. The change in attitude must come from deep in my heart, and it must be through surrender to the things of the Lord- because ultimately, I desire what He desires, that others too may come to sing praises over the simple, but profound statement, "Babbet can cook... Jesus can redeem."

Steve McCurry's Stunning Images

Hello Loved Ones.

I've discovered a new favorite artist! I am loving the vivid colors and how emotiv these photos are. Truly beautiful and evocative of a place unknown.

To see more of these stunning images visit http://www.stevemccurry.com/main.php.

Myshkin Performance at Jives

Hello Loved Ones.

Thank you for your support Saturday night. Your prayers were felt!

Here are a few pics from the performance.

http://www.richardseldomridge.com/p890622579/h242d79bd#h3b4c931a.

Enjoy!

Splendid Table Deliciousness

The Sunday morning drive to church used to be dedicated to applying the last bit of makeup I didn't have time for rushing out the door. Now it is so much more enjoyable, as it has become the one morning of the week that I pretend I am an artisan chef... working with an unlimited supply of decadent foods at my disposal. Listening to Lynn Rossetto Kasper use her talents to concoct and describe her imaginative dishes has been truly inspirational. Who would've thought of simmering vanilla beans in butter for lobster... or fresh sage and lemon rind on ripe peaches? My mouth is watering just thinking about it!

Take a look at:

http://splendidtable.publicradio.org/.

It's one of my new favorites!

Adele - Rolling in the Deep (Piano/Cello Instrumental Cover)

Ummm... yes, please!!!

Haircut!

 Channeling my inner Audrey and getting my hair done tonight! Should be fun!

Yahweh - Worship video with lyrics by New Life Worship, Ross Parsley

Hello Loved Ones.

I mentioned last week how God's character has been on my mind and heart.

I love this song that speaks to God's character as faithful, unchanging, and enduring. Let me share a bit of my heart as to why.

Over the last year I decided to dig into the heart of some bitterness and resentment that I have been holding onto from a broken relationship. I realized that I could go no further in healing without opening my heart to the things of the Lord.

I finally agreed to see a counselor who helped me sequentially work through the time I had invested into that relationship. I will never forget, as we dug into the heart of the most traumatic and painful memory, how my normally reserved and withdrawn self completely broke free and I screamed, "WHERE WERE YOU!?!"

In that moment, the peace of the Lord came over me, He overwhelmed my heart with His love, and I saw Jesus. I actually saw him in my memory.

My heart broke, unexpected tears flowed, and an indescribable joy filled my heart. It was raw and unhindered.

He was there.

He will always be here.

I am not alone.

This is the greatness of Yahweh. He is faithful, unchanging, and enduring. He is past, present, and future. He is more than what I see, and when He reveals Himself, it is indescribable.

Coldplay - The Scientist

A friend and I are working on a cover for this song....more to come!

Transformation and the Great I AM

Hello Loved Ones.

I've been resting on the thought of God's character.

I recently heard someone say, "When you speak to God about who He is, He responds by telling you who you are." The song below has been been reaching into the voice of my heart. It is my heart's cry to God about who He is.

Every now and then certain fears creep into my heart that can be just downright crippling. I can get so caught up in the "what ifs" that I become stagnant.... or just plain paralized. Yet, these times have been crucial in my understand of who God is. I say to God, "What if..." and His response is "I AM." I fully believe that there is something about the character of God that addresses any fear I may ever have.

I wish I could fully express in words the power of what the "Great I AM" is doing in my heart. He is transforming me to no longer be a child of fear and the darkness that comes with it, but instead filling it with an overwhelming sense of peace that can only come from following the "what ifs" through till there is nothing left but God. There is much work left to be done... but if you could see the transformation in my life over the past two years you would have no doubt that it was God!

As I listen to this song, I am humbled and quieted being reminded of God's Greatness and Holiness. He alone is worthy of all praise.

Distracted...

Hello loved ones.

Three weeks into school, and I am already wondering what I can go without doing and still pass my class. I'm suffering from a severe lack of motivation right at the moment, as this post is evidence of. I should be writing a paper, but instead my thoughts are elsewhere.

This week has not been easy. My heart is being torn between dreams and reality. As much as I believe that happiness is a choice and that you reap what you sow, you cannot control other people's behavior. I am not necessarily the patient sort. (A weakness I am certainly struggling to hand over.)

There lies my dilemma- do I risk letting someone that I care about slip through my fingers in my efforts to be patient, or do I put myself out there and not worry about potential consequences?

I'm praying for clarity and peace of mind, but it's not coming. Instead I'm feeling more unsettled as time goes on. Prayer is desperately needed right now!

The Impossible Duet: Handel-Halvorsen Passacaglia for Cello and Violin

Steven Sharp Nelson - The Cello Song - Bach is back (with 7 more cellos)

Exciting News...

I recorded my first cello song today... more to come!!! :)

May Showers Bring June Flowers...at least in Colorado

Hello Loved Ones.

I thought I'd depart from the usual "copy and paste" nature of my previous posts and share with you a little news. Seeming as I have dropped off the face of the planet for most of you, I thought it appropriate. (Completely unintentional, I promise.)

The past two months have been a blur, filled with all sorts of activities. Some fun, some not so much, but all very enlightening.

I'll start from the beginning.

May was a month of change. As you know I've been learning to play the cello over the past year. It was been a wonderful experience! It such a deeply beautiful instrument, and the more I learn, the more I captivated I become! The past couple of months have been spent "getting to know my instrument" as my instructor calls it. She is a delightful young woman who teaches out of her home. I love her teaching style, as she has carefully observed my learning style and adapted her methods to fit. I couldn't have asked for a better teacher. Along with lessons, I have also been playing with a friend. Joshua Grubb plays the guitar beautifully, and though sometimes the practice sessions can be a little intimidating, I am learning much and growing in confidence. We have been working on a few songs, originally written by Joshua, and he has given me the freedom to add my own flavor to each. Quite the challenge, but I've enjoyed every bit of it! It's easy friendships like his that I am incredibly grateful for.

I had to take a few weeks from practicing in the middle of May, due to an unexpected and all-together unpleasant surprise. For quite sometime I have known that I have endometriosis. (If you don't know what that is, Google it.) My mom had been telling me for years to go see a specialist about it...and being fully Sawtell/Soderstrom... you know... I didn't until it became unbearable. The doc scheduled me for a minor oupatient surgery within a week. He was able to remove most of the endometriosis... Praise God! I still have endometriosis, but the pain I experience from it has greatly diminished. I'd have to say that the entire experience was a faith growing experience. I've always been a little bit wary when it comes to the healing gospel. This experience challenged my previous beleifs on what it means to believe in Christ our Healer...and has also prompted me to explore what it means to be held in bondage throughout the generations. I'm still exploring this idea and keeping my mind open for God's leading... I haven't really come to any conclusions. I do know that He is the Great I AM and that His power is far above anything that may have been passed onto me genetically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

By the way... I have moved! I am no longer living in the basement. I'll have to admit, there are mixed feelings about this. I feel I can safely say that I am a prodigal child of sorts. The time spent at my parents over the past couple of years has allowed for a tremendous amount of healing, restoration, and forgiveness. To be given the opportunity to get to know my parents as an adult... it's seeing them through completely different eyes and noticing all the little things you never see as a child. It's getting to know their humanity and their blessing all in one. Now my evenings are spent alone, and solitude can be bittersweet.

Which brings me to today... the culmination of all the May Showers has brought June Flowers... a renewed hope, joy, and peace for what the remainder of the year will bring.  I'll keep you posted.

Much Love.

[HQ] Love Story Taylor Swift meets Viva La Vida Coldplay—Piano Cello—by ...

Possibilities are Killing Us

"The virtue of good multitasking has replaced the virtue of singleness of heart."

This is just one of many quotes that reached into my soul when reading Possibilities are Killing Us - Aaron Stern's Blog.

Living in a generation that loves the idea of greener pastures, I'm finding that my heart is craving for sole purpose. Focusing on "the God who longs to gather us, whose arm is not too short to save (even from ourselves), nor ear too dull to hear, is the same yesterday and today" is beginning to look much different than what I originally thought. It means simplifying and eliminating all the clutter, not trying to get as much done in the shortest amount of time possible... but instead allowing "the God of all possibilities find rest focus, wisdom, and possibility for my soul."

Hmmm.... something tells me the God of all possibilities is far more creative than I am when it comes to purpose and dreams. What would happen in my heart if I started to say that my dream is to focus solely on worshipping God Almighty, and to make room through singleness of heart for His purpose, possibilities, and dreams?

Days of Heaven and Earth Pt.2

"He comes by our side as our helper. More than that, He comes to dwell within us, to be the life in our blood, the fire in our thought, the faith within us, both in inception and consummation. Thus He becomes not only the recompense of the victor, but the resources of the victory. He is the Captain, the Overcomer and the Rear Guard in our lives.
The help that relieved us on that particularly troubled morning-it was of Him. He lifts our eyes up unto Himself and delivers us from apathy, from discontent and from fears. He is always the helper in this heavenly competition and will be the great reward in all the ages to come.
If our life is hidden with Him we shall have to go through the same trials that He went through, but we shall not find them too hard. If we but take Him fully as the strength of our life, and our all in all, we shall be able to lay aside all the hindering things that press upon us day by day.

I have overcome, overcome,
Overcome for thee.
Thou shalt overcome, overcome,
Overcome thro' Me."

Squirrel!

I've come to appreciate those people in my life who have the uncanny ability to identify my "Squirrel Complex" and speak a few simple, if not bluntly clarifying words in to my life.

Recently, I've been questioning God's call on my life, and wondering if I'm really headed in the right direction. This restlessness is a constant battle in my heart. After all... there are so many things that I want to do, see, and accomplish.

That may seem adventuresome, and maybe there is a part of me that truly possesses a bit of wander-lust. However, if I were to be brutally honest with myself, I'd have to admit the reason I've cast all of my nets at the same time happens to be because I feel like I'm behind. It's the same old comparison game and lie. Those around me are moving forward, and meanwhile, I'm desperately looking at all of my nets, realizing I'm not catching anything.

"Focus."

That was the one word of wisdom I received today. It's about priorities, it's about obedience, and it's about God's calling.

I have no reason to fear being left behind. I am bringing in all my nets, and instead will be casting just one.  No more "Squirrel Complex" for me.

Bulletproof - La Roux - Classical Cover by Aston

Born This Way - Lady Gaga - Classical Cover by Aston

Standing Still

Today is one of those days when I can feel my heart cry, "Lord, when is it going to be my turn?"

It's the same feeling you get as you are racing to catch your flight and you see someone next to you slowly walking on that conveyor belt thing... or whatever they call it. They're getting somewhere, and I'm not.

Anyway, life is changing for everyone around me, and I'm standing still... stuck, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know if I should do anything about it.

Trying to keep my chin up.

Days of Heaven on Earth

"Days of Heaven on Earth" by A.B. Simpson

"Better to know Jesus Himself than to know the truth about Him, for the deep things of God are revealed to us by the Holy Spirit. Paul's great desire was, that I may know him. Not just know about Him, or the mysteries of the wonderful world, or even the deeper and higher teachings of God, but to enter into the Holy of Holies where Christ is, where the Shekinah is shining, making the place glorious with the holiness of God. It is to enter into the secret of the Lord Himself.
It was what Jacob strove for at Peniel when he pleaded with God. God has given us he light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 4:6). That is the secret. It is the Lord Himself, and nothing else; it is acquaintance with God; it is knowing Jesus Christ as we know no one else.
It is being able to say not only "I believe Him, but "I know Him. "It is being able to say not only "I know about Him," but "I know Him." That is the secret above all others that God wants us to have; it is His provision for glory and power, and it is given freely to the single-hearted seeker."


I love the way A.B. Simpson words this... "Not just know about Him, or the mysteries of the wonderful world, or even the deeper and higher teachings of God, but to enter into the Holy of Holies where Christ is, where the Shekinah is shining, making the place glorious with the holiness of God. It is to enter into the secret of the Lord Himself." This intimacy with my Creator is what my soul craves; it is my heart's longing.

This intimacy has a profound impact on my faith. If I know God, if I believe that He is who He says He is, if I have "entered into the secret of the Lord Himself," is shakes the very foundations of my beliefs about God, others, and myself. The things that He desires, become the things that I desire. His discipline becomes my blessing. His will becomes my hope. His promises become my source of strength, and His glory becomes my beauty. As I start to understand these things, my heart is filled with a tremendous peace and contentment, for I know that the Lord God is majestic, marvelous, holy, and good. It is that intense communion with God that I think A.B. Simpson meant when he referred to "days of heaven on earth."

The Power of Words

Confide In Me - Kylie Minogue - Classical Cover by Aston

Yo-Yo Ma's Wordless Language

A friend asked me the other day what it was that I like so much about Yo-Yo Ma. Not really knowing what to say, I simply replied that it was because his music is so thick with emotion. As I listened to one of his albums repeatedly today, I finally found the answer. While the depth of the emotion conveyed may be one reason to love his music, I think it entails so much more than that. I imagine Yo-Yo Ma to be a man of few words. Honestly, how could you ever find words to be sufficient if you can play like that? Anything that you would ever need to say could be better said with your bow. I think there are some matters of the heart that cannot be explained unless it is through wordless emotion. I like the thought of pouring the thoughts of your heart without actually ever forming syllables. It's that deep desire to know and be known that makes music such a powerful force. It is raw, vulnerable, and never lies. It is a wordless language... how beautiful the thought.

Keith & Kristyn Getty "In Christ Alone"

I can think of no better song to sing this Resurrection Sunday, and although the lyrics are bittersweet to me, the truth brings freedom in my soul. I can sing this song from the depths of my heart... praise be to the Lord, for his redemptive and restoring work in my life. He is risen. He is risen indeed.

"No guilt of life, no fear in death

This is the power of Christ in me

From life's first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny

no power of hell, no scheme of man

Can ever pluck me from His hand

'til He returns or calls me home

Here in the power of Christ I'll stand."

"Watermark" by Sleeping At Last

You were carved out of the sea
Watermarked by your ancestry
In a tug of war between the tide and me
What felt like loss was a victory
Cause you were swept ashore like bottles holding prayers

You were carved out of the earth
Safe and sound in your second birth
Gravity has tied your ankle to the shore
As a lighthouse tamed the endless ocean war

Against the calming light our silhouettes are changing shape
The stories you've been told have made you brave

Such inheritance was formed within the sand
Like the shells you gather in the safety of your hands
Dive in with your eyes closed
For the life you were born to claim
And the water will be paralyzed
By the courage you contain
And the flutter of your earnest heart
It will fill the silent seas
And all will be restored in your memory

A Thawing Heart

For sometime now I have been pondering the question, "Why should my heart not dance?" When I read this question posed by Orual, I have realized that I am more like her and less like Psyche:

"And my struggle was this. You may well believe that I had set out sad enough; I came on a sad errand. Now, flung at me like frolic or insolence, there came as if it were a voice-no words- but if you made it into words it would be, "Why should your heart not dance?" It's the measure of my folly that my heart almost answered, "Why not?"

I have tasted life's bitterness, and have spent more time questioning than praising. I admit to having been in a battle against my thawing heart. A thawed heart means a move towards transparency. There is something incredibly desirable and frightening about that prospect.

As I come to understand my Redeemer's love for me, as He reveals His truths and promises to me, my heart can't help but thaw. Just as in nature, spring follows winter.

Spring is my favorite season. I love the delicate flowers, the brisk mornings, and the singular blades of grass. Although it's never predictable in Colorado, the marks of a thawing are always evident.

Spring is my heart right now. The seeds have been planted, the roots have grown deep. There are signs of life above the surface. I am being grown to look more like Psyche and less like Orual. My heart is learning to  dance.

 

A Song of Praise

The Lord said to me, “This is not for you! You are no longer a captive to the things that you once were. You are my child; I have bought you with my blood! Do not think on those things. Do not believe those lies. Keep your head held high because you are mine! I love you fiercely. The mountains tremble and the seas part under my love for you. Do not forget!” I will sing, “How marvelous is your love for me, my God, Savior, Redeemer, King, and Lord. How wonderful are your thoughts about me. When I am exhausted, you give me rest. When I am fearful, you comfort me. Praise your name. You have anointed me with your purpose. You have taught me your ways. How marvelous, how wonderful, then my soul will ever sing! How marvelous, how wonderful, is your love for me. My heart will dance with joy, and my lips will proclaim your works. You know my innermost being, and you have written revival upon my heart.”

Up!

Love the animated film "Up?"

Check out this real life "Up." http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/upinspired-floating-house-14?xg_source=facebook

Hmmm... ideas....

Someone Like You - Adele - Classical Cover by Aston

Name Play

Recently I've been digging deeper in the book of Esther with a group of incredible and insightful women. One of the things we have discussed is the meaning of names. Esther mean "star" and also "to conceal." Isn't it ironic how the book of Esther is filled with a story of God's plan coming to full revelation and the name of the protagonist means to conceal? Lesson learned? God is deliberate and intentional in what He choses to reveal and also in what He choses to conceal.

I have been thinking about my own name. Angela means "Messenger of God," yet I feel like one of my largest hurdles has been communication. Ironic isn't it? Perhaps it's not so much as it seems. Another lesson learned: God's strength is shown best in our weaknesses. So, a theory might be that since communication is a weakness for me, it allows much room for God's strength?

Hmmm... so just like Esther, God can take a willing heart and unveil an incredible plan. I think this is what He has in store for me- an incredible plan, and my name has something to do with it.

Favorites

My three new favorite artists:

1. Dale Chihuly has brought a whole new life to glass blowing by transforming it into an abstract artform. Check out http://www.chihuly.com/ for images of the brilliance of his sea-inspired creations, his artistic eye for combining nature with the synthesized in his installations, and the stunning enormity of his chandeliers.

2. Brian Dettmer uses books, glue, and surgical tools to create these intricate designs. Take a look at http://briandettmer.com/ for images of what someone with talent, focus, and patience can do to transform a book into a living work of art.

3. Mark Lawrence is one of those artists that uses a canvas, brush, and brightly colored paints to convey scriptural truths. When I first began to view the detail, textures, and contrasts between colors in his paintings, I could actually see the scriptures taking form. I think his work is the perfect example of how even the abstract can bring a certain amount of clarity and can reveal truths. See if you agree by taking a look at his works at http://www.marklawrencegallery.com/.

Last but not least...  http://www.googleartproject.com/  This website is the most amazing tool for viewing artwork! As much as I would love to see these works of ingenuity in person, reality does not allow for it. However, because of this website I can still visit each museum and explore their vast collections.

Enjoy!

"An Anthem to Be Sung" by Anne Ortlund

"How single God, are You- how whole!
One source are You, one way, one goal.
I tend to splinter all apart
With fractured mind, divided heart;
Oh, integrate my wandering maze
To one highway of love and praise."

"O single, mastering life of peace
At whole command the ragings cease,
Keep calling to me, "Peace be still,"
To redirect my scattered will.
Keep gathering back my heart to you.
Keep Cent'ring all I am and do."

"O focused spot of holy ground,
Silence which is the source of sound,
I drop the clutter from my soul,
Reorganized by your control;
Then single, whole, before your throne,
I give myself to you alone."

Rude Boy - Rihanna - Classical Cover by Aston

One of these days, I'll be able to play the cello like the cellist here... beautiful!

Orual's Struggle

"We now went for a long time over grass, gently but steadily upward, making for a ridge so high and so near that the true Mountain was quite out of sight. When we stopped it, and stood for a while to let the horse breathe, everything was changed. And my struggle began.

We had come into the sunlight now, too bright to look into, and warm (I threw back my cloak.) Heavy dew made the grass jewel-bright. The Mountain, far greater yet also far further off than I expected, seem with the sun hanging a hand-breadth above its topmost crags, did not look like a solid thing. Between us and it was a vast tumble of valley and hill, woods and cliffs, and more little lakes than I could count. to left and right and behind us, the whole coloured world with all its hills was heaped up and up to the sky, with, far away, a gleam of what we call the sea (though it is not to be compared with the Great Sea of the Greeks.) There was a lark singing; but for that, huge and ancient stillness.

And my struggle was this. You may well believe that I had set out sad enough; I came on a sad errand. Now, flung at me like frolic or insolence, there came as if it were a voice-no words- but if you made it into words it would be, "Why should your heart not dance?" It's the measure of my folly that my heart almost answered, "Why not?" I had to tell myself over like a lesson the infinite reasons it had not to dance. My heart to dane? Mine whose love was taken from me, I, the ugly princess who must never look for other love, the drudge of the King, the jailer of hateful Redival, perhaps to be murdered or turned out as a beggar when my father died-for who knew what Glome would do then? And yet, it was a lesson I could hardly keep in my mind. The sight of the huge world put mad ideas into me, as if I would wander away, wander forever, see strange and beautiful things, one after the other to the world's end. The freshness and wetness all about me (I had seen nothing but drought and withered things for many months before my sickness) made me feel that I had misjudged the world; it seemed kind, and laughing, as if its heart also danced. Even my ugliness I could not quite believe in. Who can feel ugly when the heart meets delight? It is as if, somewhere inside, within the hideous face and bony limbs, one is soft, fresh, lissom and desirable. "

Orual seems to me like many adults I know. We go somberly about our responsibilities and place too much of our happiness on the sum of our experiences. I am no exception. When faced with something greater and more wondrous than my present my heart cries out, "Why should your heart not dance?" Instead of joining in, like Orual I have tendency to remind myself of all the reasons why I shouldn't. Past experiences aside, I am not a child anymore, so why should I behave like one? The world is no place for people with child-like hearts. But that's just it... isn't it those who have the awe of a child whose hearts dance? They are able to recognize beauty and glory.  As Orual puts it, "Who can feel ugly when the heart meets delight?" They meet delight and are transformed by it. This is what I crave... for the renewed joy and delight of a child in my heart. The ability to look past all the reasons I should consider that sort of dancing folly, and instead delight in what is greater and more awesome. I am craving to give my heart permission to dance.

Remember Nhu

Last fall I had the privilege of hosting a remarkable woman named Nhu and her adopted father, Carl Ralston. Nhu's testimony is incredibly powerful. I have a strong connection with this woman on multiple levels, and I'd like to invite to you read what she has shared with hundreds of churches here in the states.

"Thank You SO MUCH for joining us tonight. I would like to share my story. I remember I was seven years old. Near my house there was a Vietnamese church. They had a school that was more affordable than the other schools.

Because the school was in a church, I had to ask my grandmother if I could go there. She allowed me to go. My teacher helped me to study the Bible every day. Then I believed in Jesus Christian.

Then I went to church every week. I would clean the church each week before it started.

When I was 12 years old I remember my family had a very difficult life. Because all of my family did not have work, my grandmother had to borrow money.

She borrowed the money to buy food for my family. She had to pay high interest every day on the money she borrowed.

One day I saw a lady talking with my grandmother when I came back from school. My grandmother told me I might stop going to school. When she said that I knew I might be sold.

So I started to pray. I told God I was very scared and I did not know what they would want me to do.

Three or four days later, the lady took me to a doctor to make sure I was a virgin.

Then the lady took me to a man. I was just 12 years old.

He was in a hotel room and I had to stay with him for three days. I knew I had to do everything the man wanted me to do.

Before the man did anything to me, I said please do not do this to me. I cried out to God asking Him to help me not be hurt.

During those three days, I could not eat or drink anything. I never went to sleep.

The first night I was crying and I was saying all of the sin in my life, including sleeping with the man.

At that time, I believed God did not love me anymore because of my sin. I had lost all hope.

At the end of the three days, the lady picked me up and took me back to my house. I was given some aspirin for the pain but did not see a doctor.

I stayed in pain for two weeks. My life changed a lot.

I was very sad, I did not want to eat or talk to anyone. I could no longer smile.

At night, I would cry and ask God, “Why did you make me have this pain ? Why did you break my heart ?

If I did not know You, I could understand.

But, I know You. I love You.

I follow You. I talk with You. I do everything for You.

But since this happened to me please let me be the last girl this happens to.”

After about two weeks, my teacher, Trang convinced me to come back to school and church.

During the next six months I learned that my friends at school were talking about me. They were telling people I was sold. So I quit going to school and church.

I was very scared I would be sold to a brothel. So I asked my grandmother to let me go to school to learn hair and nails.

After asking for seven months, my grandmother finally said yes.

But because I did not have enough money I had to clean the school to study hair and nails.

After one year of school, I started working 12 hours each day with two days off each month. I was 14 years old.

Now I know that at the same time I started going to hair and nail school, God spoke “Remember Nhu” to my dad’s heart. I learned many people were praying for me during this time.

I learned that my dad came to Cambodia six times during this time to try and find me. Then in July 2006, we met for the first time. He told me how God spoke Remember Nhu to his heart. And how God wanted him and Laurie to help me.

Then in September 2006 I became the first worker of Remember Nhu. I started to teach the older girls in the Children’s Home how to do hair and nails.

God has done so many amazing things and showed me so much love. Jesus has given me new parents in Carl and Laurie.

He has taken me to Thailand, the Philippines’ and, America on behalf of Remember Nhu. Jesus has answered my prayers by using me to help prevent children from entering the sex trade.

Thank you for allowing me to share my story. And, thank you for coming tonight to learn how you can help the children."
If you would like to learn more about Remember Nhu... visit http://www.remembernhu.org/.

Jessica's "Daily Affirmation"

The Holy Spirit, Guilt, and Conviction

In the journey of making our faith our own, there always comes a point when we put to the test what we have been taught or have come to believe in the past. I don't think that we ever stop putting our faith to the test and we continue digging deep for Spiritual and Biblical truths. Recently, I've been looking at who the Holy Spirit is and how He works in my life, particularly in the area of conviction.

Growing up, I was told that the Holy Spirit is in essence your conscience. He is was tells you what is right or wrong. Partially true, partially not with the not part being a false seed that lead to all sorts of inaccurate beliefs. However, I have to give my teachers credit for always doing their best and in all honestly, how do you explain the Holy Spirit and his work to a child? I think this over-simplification of who the Holy Spirit is can cause a bit of confusion when it comes to identifying how He works. The Holy Spirit is not our conscience.  Our conscience is a combination of our ideals, spiritual goals, thoughts that we have nurtured into beliefs, and influences from our culture and society. It is the filter through which we perceive everything in our environment. What happens to my filter/conscience when the Holy Spirit is working in my life?

One of the many promises of salvation is that I no longer need to be a slave to guilt or shame. God promises to help me identify the behaviors that are not only destructive to me but those that are also keeping me from growing in my relationship with Him. Then He helps me to overcome those behaviors. So, how do I know the difference between guilt and conviction? I've taken quotes from Robert McGee's book "The Search for Significance" and listed them below. Reading over these differences has helped me to put things into perspective, learn who the Holy Spirit truly is, and also identify where there is a battlefield in my life.

"Perhaps no emotion is more destructive than guilt. It causes a loss of self-respect. It causes the human spirit to wither, and it eats away at our personal significance. Guilt is a strong motivation, but it plays on our fears of failure and rejection; therefore, it can never ultimately build, encourage, or inspire us in our desire to live for Christ."

1. Guilt focuses on the state of being condemned: "I am unworthy." Conviction focuses on behavior: "This act is unworthy of Christ and is destructive."

2. Guilt deals with the sinner's loss of self-esteem and a wounded self-pride: "What will others think of me?" Conviction deals with the loss of our moment-by moment communication with God: "This act is destructive to me and interferes with my walk with God."

3. Guilt produces a fear of punishment: "Now I'm going to get it!" Conviction produces a fear of the destructiveness of the act itself. "This behavior is destructive to me and others, and it robs me of what God intends for me." 

4. The agent of guilt is Satan: "The god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelieving, that they might not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ" (2 Cor 4:4) The agent of conviction is the Holy Spirit: "But if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live." (Rom 8:13)

5. Guilt leads to depression and more sin: "I am just a low-down, dirty, rotten sinner"; or to rebellion: "I don't care. I'm going to do whatever I want to do." Conviction leads to repentance, the turning from sin to Christ: "Lord, I agree with You that my sin is wrong and destructive. What do You want me to do?"

6. The interpersonal result of guilt is alienation, a feeling of shame that drives one away from the person who has been wronged, the person who has wronged you, or the person who has witnesses the wrong: "I can't ever face him or her again." The interpersonal result of conviction is restoration, a desire to remedy the harm done to others: "Father, what would You have me do to right this wrong and restore the relationship with the one I have offended?"

7. Guild ends in depression, bitterness, and self-pity: "I'm just no good." Conviction ends in comfort, the realization of forgiveness: "You have made me complete and have given me the righteousness of Christ, even though my performance often falls short."


Reading over these differences has helped me to put things into perspective, learn who the Holy Spirit truly is, and also identify where there is a battlefield in my life. 

Tozer's Take on the Beautiful

"When we look closely at this world system and society, we see the terrible and ugly scars of sin. Sin has obscenely scarred and defaced this world, taking away its harmony and symmetry and beauty. That is the negative picture. Thank God for the positive promise and prospect that heaven is the place of all loveliness, all harmony and beauty. These are not idle words. If you love beautiful things, you had better stay out of hell, for hell will be the quintessence of all that is morally ugly and obscene. Hell will be the ugliest place in all of creation! It is a fact that earth lies between all that is ugly in hell and all that is beautiful in heaven. As long as we are living here, we will have to consider the extreme-much that is good and much that is bad! As believers, we are held firm in the knowledge that the eternal Son came to save us and deliver us to a beautiful heaven and everlasting fellowship with God!"

Perhaps some of our fascination with the beautiful comes from eternity being etched upon our hearts?

Talking with Abba

What would happen to our prayer lives if we came to truly understand God as Abba Father?

If you've got some time, please listen to this sermon on praying to and knowing God as Father...the implications of this are powerful. Listen to "Talking with God - Conversations that Matter Part 1: Little Big God(Matthew 6:9)." 

http://www.woodmenvalley.org/interact

The Man Who Got It

Up till this point I've posted mostly intensely personal posts. That's all fine and well, but I thought I'd take a minute to post something of a bit of a different nature. I've been working on a project at work that has been opening my eyes to a bit of the history of the C&MA and how God has taken ordinary people to use for extraordinary purposes. R.A. Jaffray was no exception. Born to a weathly family in Canada, his father had every hope of him taking over his newspaper business in Toronto. But when Jaffray became a believer in Christ at age 17, God placed different plans on his heart.  After hearing A.B. Simpson speak about the need for the gospel to reach all corners of the earth, Jaffray was convinced that he too would become a speaker to those who were slaves to sin. When his father found out he disinherited Jaffray, promising not to pay a cent in support, other than if he decided to come home. Here's a man who got it. He understood that being near God meant that you were near His desires too. Isn't it God's desire for mankind to know who He is? For what other purpose did Jesus come to earth, than so that the world may know?

I often hear people contemplating what God's purpose is for their lives, and also often do so myself. But for all the years of aimless questioning, the most direction I have received have happened over the past couple of months, while I have relinquished the quest and controlling desire to know every step of God's plan for my life. It seemed that acknowledging that God's desire for us is to know Him, was a far more reaching realization than that which I first realized. It opened the door for God to put to pieces together in his timing, so much more perfect than my own.

R.A. Jaffray understood this concept. He understood that we are all slaves to sin, and that God's greatest desire for us is to no longer be slaves but to be reconciled to Him. After serving in China for over 30 years, he soon felt what he described as the cry of Sumatra. At that point no one in Indonesia had ever heard the name of Jesus. He quickly made the move to Indonesia, with the support of the Chinese church, and began a Bible School. Because of his legacy in Indonesia, there are now over 3,000 Alliance churches scattered across Indonesia's 1,800 islands.

I'd like to make one more point... Jaffray also seemed to understand that there was never a retirement from doing the work that God had given to him. When the Japanese came into Indonesia at the beginning of WW2, they imprisoned many of the missionaries who were living in Indonesia at the time. Jaffray was no exception. Even from the Japanese internment camp he still poured Jesus into the people around him, and finally on July 29, 1945, he passed away, less than one month before the Japanese surrender.

R.A. Jaffray truly was a man who understood purpose. He was a man who got it.

I love my dog-Cat Stevens

Eternal Workings

Yesterday, I wrote about some the ugliness that is still a part of my struggle in overcoming the past. It seems necessary to provide a much more detailed description of what God has done in my life.

I mentioned in a previous post that I would rather experience complete surrender to God through a burden, then to have no burden but never experience surrender. Even though I still have a long way to go, God has been doing a tremendous work in my life. So, even though I am still working through the difficulties, He's giving me a voice, and bringing the pieces together bit by bit.

1. He healed the wounds. Literally as well as figuratively. I can now attribute my bruises to my own clumsiness, not to someone else's hand. My broken heart, He has mended. Truly... it no longer aches. There is still healing to take place,  but there is a dramatic difference between who I was then, to who I am now. Praise God.
2. He gave me purpose.Where I was once dead, and by that I mean emotionless, weary, and down-trodden, He breathed life. My life now has purpose, because He is purposeful in His blessing and timing. He's slowly revealing to me the big picture... how every event is coming together to fit into what He desires for me.
3. He restored my relationships. My parents, my sister, my friends-all relationships that are deeper and more meaningful than before. There's relationships that would never have happened if it weren't set in motion through tragedy. There's now a depth that comes from trust, intention, and transparency.
4. He revealed Himself to me through His faithfulness and His promises. He has revealed them to me one by one, and continues to do so. He promises of hope, grace, and unconditional love have been particularly poignant. Truly this one could be one of the most powerful things on this list. It is because of His faithfulness to me that I have come to believe He is who He said He is. I can rest on this.
5. He brought me under the comfort of his wing. I'm prone to wander! Each time I feel distress clouding over me, I am so quick to turn to things I know will not satisfy my need to be comforted. But through  this I have learned to turn to Jesus more readily, understanding that He will satisfy those needs. Nothing is more fulfilling than knowing that I can turn to Jesus, that I can cry out to Him, and He sees me and He knows.
6. He provided for my every need. This is multi-faceted, but I'll mention two specifics here. Time and time again, I thought things would not come together. I didn't believe that I would be able to make a future for myself. I wasn't sure how I was going to pay the bills. In finances and companionship He has provided everything I need. He has provided me with a loving supportive family, who are providing shelter and food for me. He has provided me with friends who hold me accountable and encourage me. Last but not least, He gave me Cocoa to greet me with enthusiasm every time I walk in the door, and dogs are very good for unlimited and unconditional cuddling.
7. He built me up with strength and courage. I know that I come across as being delicate and fragile, but there have been specific times in my life where demonstrating an otherworldly amount of courage has been necessary. I can guarantee that if it were up to me I would've crumbled beneath the pressure. Thank goodness for a God who promises to be our fortress and refuge, and the strength for the weak. God built me up and continues to provide me with the right amount of courage when the timing is right. That is truly a blessing.
8. He has bestowed upon me with a hope for the future. One of my worst fears up until doing this wonderfully revealing Bible study, was that I would never find a man who would be willing to accept that I am "damaged goods." How silly of me to put God in a box like that! Because of this fear I set out on a crusade to compensate for what I felt like was a huge deal breaker. Instead of getting anywhere near what I thought the ideal woman was, I wound up frustrated and confused as to why I was getting further away from my goals rather than closer. The truth is my identity is no more found in how "ideal" I am. My identity is found in Christ. I can say this with complete and utter confidence, and in His goodness, God is revealing to me exactly what it means to be His child. Along with this realization came a bright hope for tomorrow, that no matter what God is working. He knows the plans that He has for me, and that's what matters. The future is starting to come into light. As I move closer to Christ, the same things that matter to Him, matter to me... specifically lost and broken people. What my role will eventually look like I am still not sure, but the pieces are coming together as they only can when a divine hand is arranging them.

So... those are a few of the positives that God has been working in my life over the past 4 years. I'm a work in progress, but that's not the point. The point is that God is and always has been working, and I can rest in the knowledge that His plan is perfect.

Aaron Keyes - Psalm 62

This song has been touching my heart recently.

"I wait quietly before God,
For my victory comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
My fortress where I will never be shaken.

Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
For my hope is is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
My fortress where I will not be shaken.
My victory and honor come from God alone.
He is my refuge, a rock where no
Enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust in him at all times.
Pour out your heart to him,
For God is our refuge.

God has spoken plainly,
And I have heard it many times:
Power, O God, belongs to you;
Unfailing love, O Lord, is yours."

Ps 62: 1-2, 5-8, 11-12

Sweet Surrender

Surrender...

When I say that I have surrendered and am daily surrendering my life to Christ, what exactly does that mean? 

I believe that when I surrendered my life, God took it. That means that He is at work in every situation, drawing me close to Him, and transforming my heart. He has shown Himself faithful in my past and I believe He will continue to be in my future. So then, why is it so hard to surrender the present?

I recognize that God's work in my life is a process, but sometimes my lack of patience gets the better of me.  I want to know with absolute certainty what God is doing and do not like having to wait. But when I try to take the wheel from His hands, and I essentially fight what He is doing, things go terribly wrong. 

I know this to be true. Heartbreaking experience tells me so. 

So, what does it mean when I sing, "... I surrender all....?"

It means that daily I ask for God's help, wisdom, and direction. I pray for His hand over my work, relationships, and future. I pray for peace. I ask for forgiveness for my selfishness, anger, mistrust, and bitterness.  I confess the resentment with which I still battle in my heart. I tell God my hopes, dreams, and deepest desires. I give them to Him to use for His purposes. 

Maybe reading this sounds like such a cliche to you. It's something that you could hear from any pastor or read in any book. Truly, learning how to surrender in prayer has been somewhat of a struggle for me. Coming to trust God, and surrender my heart to Him has been and will continue to be a process. Yet, He has been patient with me. He knows the hurts and the struggles, and does not hold them against me. 

Isn't that what surrender is about? God will have His will one way or another, but surrendering is asking God to include me in it. He is searching the earth for people with willing hearts to do His work, and surrendering is in essence giving my whole life to Him for his purposes. It is saying, "I am here Lord, imperfect though I may be, I trust that your plan is perfect, and that is enough." 

GoD And DoG by Wendy J Francisco

Watch and enjoy. This is why I love Cocoa. :)

Blessings.

Yes, 25 DOES Feel Different

I turned 25 on Friday. It was the first time that when asked if it feels any different to be 25, I can honestly respond, "Yes, it feels different." If I were to be truly honest, I'd have to say that it's because of what happened in 24.

Year 24:

Do I even remember the first few months? No, not really. I was slaving away at a thankless job, with co-workers that mocked my character, morals, and faith. Truly, working as a hairdresser was the worst job I have ever had. It was exhausting, degrading, and toxic in every imaginable way. However, in spite of that, I can honestly say that there are things that were produced in me that I am so grateful for. God promised me that He would take any situation and use it to produce His fruit, even the darkness that was hairdressing. He was faithful and delivered on His promise. 

There is one event that clearly stands out to me in the midst of those few trying months. My great-grandfather passed away in January. He was 92 years old and had the faith of a giant. When he was 20, he was diagnosed with a serious heart condition. The doctor's had anticipated that he only had a few years ahead of him before he would die, and warned my great-grandmother not to marry him. She did anyway. For the next 72 years, there was always the possibility that he would pass away at any time because of his heart condition. 

 I have one particular memory of him that was life-changing for me. A couple of years ago, my great-grandmother passed away. She had been taken to the icu unit at the local hospital, but my great-grandfather, a WWII vet who also needed treatment was taken to the veteran's hospital. There they were, my great-grandmother in one hospital and my great-grandfather in another, when she slipped into a coma, and then that agonizing decision had to be made. My mom and I went to first to visit her, and then to the veteran's hospital to visit him. We tried to make arrangements for my great-grandfather to be transported so that he could see her one last time. After 70+ years of marriage, we wanted to give him every option, but because of the risk we were told it wasn't possible. My mom wept when she told him the news. What he said next will be branded on my heart and mind forever. He took my mom's hand, then looked me straight in the eyes and said, "It's ok. We'll see each other soon." It sounds so cliche, when I read over those words, but he said it with an abundance of peace and conviction, that it pierced my heart. It was said unlike I have ever heard those words said before. Tearless up to that point, I could no longer hold back. That's what I will remember about him. Courageous, faithful, and a leader to the end, his devotion and assurance are a challenge to my faith. It has molded the person I am, and who I will become. 

This chain reaction, set the tone for the rest of my year, as I wrestled with my desires, my dreams, and my convictions. It has forced me to ask questions that I am still wrestling with, and through patient conversations with my dearest friends, Emily and Sarah, I have been challenged me to dig deeper into who God is and what His desires are for my life. Peace, Joy, Purpose, Passion, and most importantly to come to Know and Dwell in who HE IS. 

So, naturally, change.

That is what defined year 24, and is pouring into 25. January 7th is the new New Year's. It a new beginning, but also a reflection and time for praise. Even though life is changing dramatically for me as I explore God and what it means to be His child, I can rest in the promises of the things that don't change. They are the same things that my great-grandfather understood, believed, and fiercely held onto.

Blessings.