Yesterday, I wrote about some the ugliness that is still a part of my struggle in overcoming the past. It seems necessary to provide a much more detailed description of what God has done in my life.
I mentioned in a previous post that I would rather experience complete surrender to God through a burden, then to have no burden but never experience surrender. Even though I still have a long way to go, God has been doing a tremendous work in my life. So, even though I am still working through the difficulties, He's giving me a voice, and bringing the pieces together bit by bit.
1. He healed the wounds. Literally as well as figuratively. I can now attribute my bruises to my own clumsiness, not to someone else's hand. My broken heart, He has mended. Truly... it no longer aches. There is still healing to take place, but there is a dramatic difference between who I was then, to who I am now. Praise God.
2. He gave me purpose.Where I was once dead, and by that I mean emotionless, weary, and down-trodden, He breathed life. My life now has purpose, because He is purposeful in His blessing and timing. He's slowly revealing to me the big picture... how every event is coming together to fit into what He desires for me.
3. He restored my relationships. My parents, my sister, my friends-all relationships that are deeper and more meaningful than before. There's relationships that would never have happened if it weren't set in motion through tragedy. There's now a depth that comes from trust, intention, and transparency.
4. He revealed Himself to me through His faithfulness and His promises. He has revealed them to me one by one, and continues to do so. He promises of hope, grace, and unconditional love have been particularly poignant. Truly this one could be one of the most powerful things on this list. It is because of His faithfulness to me that I have come to believe He is who He said He is. I can rest on this.
5. He brought me under the comfort of his wing. I'm prone to wander! Each time I feel distress clouding over me, I am so quick to turn to things I know will not satisfy my need to be comforted. But through this I have learned to turn to Jesus more readily, understanding that He will satisfy those needs. Nothing is more fulfilling than knowing that I can turn to Jesus, that I can cry out to Him, and He sees me and He knows.
6. He provided for my every need. This is multi-faceted, but I'll mention two specifics here. Time and time again, I thought things would not come together. I didn't believe that I would be able to make a future for myself. I wasn't sure how I was going to pay the bills. In finances and companionship He has provided everything I need. He has provided me with a loving supportive family, who are providing shelter and food for me. He has provided me with friends who hold me accountable and encourage me. Last but not least, He gave me Cocoa to greet me with enthusiasm every time I walk in the door, and dogs are very good for unlimited and unconditional cuddling.
7. He built me up with strength and courage. I know that I come across as being delicate and fragile, but there have been specific times in my life where demonstrating an otherworldly amount of courage has been necessary. I can guarantee that if it were up to me I would've crumbled beneath the pressure. Thank goodness for a God who promises to be our fortress and refuge, and the strength for the weak. God built me up and continues to provide me with the right amount of courage when the timing is right. That is truly a blessing.
8. He has bestowed upon me with a hope for the future. One of my worst fears up until doing this wonderfully revealing Bible study, was that I would never find a man who would be willing to accept that I am "damaged goods." How silly of me to put God in a box like that! Because of this fear I set out on a crusade to compensate for what I felt like was a huge deal breaker. Instead of getting anywhere near what I thought the ideal woman was, I wound up frustrated and confused as to why I was getting further away from my goals rather than closer. The truth is my identity is no more found in how "ideal" I am. My identity is found in Christ. I can say this with complete and utter confidence, and in His goodness, God is revealing to me exactly what it means to be His child. Along with this realization came a bright hope for tomorrow, that no matter what God is working. He knows the plans that He has for me, and that's what matters. The future is starting to come into light. As I move closer to Christ, the same things that matter to Him, matter to me... specifically lost and broken people. What my role will eventually look like I am still not sure, but the pieces are coming together as they only can when a divine hand is arranging them.
So... those are a few of the positives that God has been working in my life over the past 4 years. I'm a work in progress, but that's not the point. The point is that God is and always has been working, and I can rest in the knowledge that His plan is perfect.
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