Tozer's Take on the Beautiful

"When we look closely at this world system and society, we see the terrible and ugly scars of sin. Sin has obscenely scarred and defaced this world, taking away its harmony and symmetry and beauty. That is the negative picture. Thank God for the positive promise and prospect that heaven is the place of all loveliness, all harmony and beauty. These are not idle words. If you love beautiful things, you had better stay out of hell, for hell will be the quintessence of all that is morally ugly and obscene. Hell will be the ugliest place in all of creation! It is a fact that earth lies between all that is ugly in hell and all that is beautiful in heaven. As long as we are living here, we will have to consider the extreme-much that is good and much that is bad! As believers, we are held firm in the knowledge that the eternal Son came to save us and deliver us to a beautiful heaven and everlasting fellowship with God!"

Perhaps some of our fascination with the beautiful comes from eternity being etched upon our hearts?

Talking with Abba

What would happen to our prayer lives if we came to truly understand God as Abba Father?

If you've got some time, please listen to this sermon on praying to and knowing God as Father...the implications of this are powerful. Listen to "Talking with God - Conversations that Matter Part 1: Little Big God(Matthew 6:9)." 

http://www.woodmenvalley.org/interact

The Man Who Got It

Up till this point I've posted mostly intensely personal posts. That's all fine and well, but I thought I'd take a minute to post something of a bit of a different nature. I've been working on a project at work that has been opening my eyes to a bit of the history of the C&MA and how God has taken ordinary people to use for extraordinary purposes. R.A. Jaffray was no exception. Born to a weathly family in Canada, his father had every hope of him taking over his newspaper business in Toronto. But when Jaffray became a believer in Christ at age 17, God placed different plans on his heart.  After hearing A.B. Simpson speak about the need for the gospel to reach all corners of the earth, Jaffray was convinced that he too would become a speaker to those who were slaves to sin. When his father found out he disinherited Jaffray, promising not to pay a cent in support, other than if he decided to come home. Here's a man who got it. He understood that being near God meant that you were near His desires too. Isn't it God's desire for mankind to know who He is? For what other purpose did Jesus come to earth, than so that the world may know?

I often hear people contemplating what God's purpose is for their lives, and also often do so myself. But for all the years of aimless questioning, the most direction I have received have happened over the past couple of months, while I have relinquished the quest and controlling desire to know every step of God's plan for my life. It seemed that acknowledging that God's desire for us is to know Him, was a far more reaching realization than that which I first realized. It opened the door for God to put to pieces together in his timing, so much more perfect than my own.

R.A. Jaffray understood this concept. He understood that we are all slaves to sin, and that God's greatest desire for us is to no longer be slaves but to be reconciled to Him. After serving in China for over 30 years, he soon felt what he described as the cry of Sumatra. At that point no one in Indonesia had ever heard the name of Jesus. He quickly made the move to Indonesia, with the support of the Chinese church, and began a Bible School. Because of his legacy in Indonesia, there are now over 3,000 Alliance churches scattered across Indonesia's 1,800 islands.

I'd like to make one more point... Jaffray also seemed to understand that there was never a retirement from doing the work that God had given to him. When the Japanese came into Indonesia at the beginning of WW2, they imprisoned many of the missionaries who were living in Indonesia at the time. Jaffray was no exception. Even from the Japanese internment camp he still poured Jesus into the people around him, and finally on July 29, 1945, he passed away, less than one month before the Japanese surrender.

R.A. Jaffray truly was a man who understood purpose. He was a man who got it.

I love my dog-Cat Stevens

Eternal Workings

Yesterday, I wrote about some the ugliness that is still a part of my struggle in overcoming the past. It seems necessary to provide a much more detailed description of what God has done in my life.

I mentioned in a previous post that I would rather experience complete surrender to God through a burden, then to have no burden but never experience surrender. Even though I still have a long way to go, God has been doing a tremendous work in my life. So, even though I am still working through the difficulties, He's giving me a voice, and bringing the pieces together bit by bit.

1. He healed the wounds. Literally as well as figuratively. I can now attribute my bruises to my own clumsiness, not to someone else's hand. My broken heart, He has mended. Truly... it no longer aches. There is still healing to take place,  but there is a dramatic difference between who I was then, to who I am now. Praise God.
2. He gave me purpose.Where I was once dead, and by that I mean emotionless, weary, and down-trodden, He breathed life. My life now has purpose, because He is purposeful in His blessing and timing. He's slowly revealing to me the big picture... how every event is coming together to fit into what He desires for me.
3. He restored my relationships. My parents, my sister, my friends-all relationships that are deeper and more meaningful than before. There's relationships that would never have happened if it weren't set in motion through tragedy. There's now a depth that comes from trust, intention, and transparency.
4. He revealed Himself to me through His faithfulness and His promises. He has revealed them to me one by one, and continues to do so. He promises of hope, grace, and unconditional love have been particularly poignant. Truly this one could be one of the most powerful things on this list. It is because of His faithfulness to me that I have come to believe He is who He said He is. I can rest on this.
5. He brought me under the comfort of his wing. I'm prone to wander! Each time I feel distress clouding over me, I am so quick to turn to things I know will not satisfy my need to be comforted. But through  this I have learned to turn to Jesus more readily, understanding that He will satisfy those needs. Nothing is more fulfilling than knowing that I can turn to Jesus, that I can cry out to Him, and He sees me and He knows.
6. He provided for my every need. This is multi-faceted, but I'll mention two specifics here. Time and time again, I thought things would not come together. I didn't believe that I would be able to make a future for myself. I wasn't sure how I was going to pay the bills. In finances and companionship He has provided everything I need. He has provided me with a loving supportive family, who are providing shelter and food for me. He has provided me with friends who hold me accountable and encourage me. Last but not least, He gave me Cocoa to greet me with enthusiasm every time I walk in the door, and dogs are very good for unlimited and unconditional cuddling.
7. He built me up with strength and courage. I know that I come across as being delicate and fragile, but there have been specific times in my life where demonstrating an otherworldly amount of courage has been necessary. I can guarantee that if it were up to me I would've crumbled beneath the pressure. Thank goodness for a God who promises to be our fortress and refuge, and the strength for the weak. God built me up and continues to provide me with the right amount of courage when the timing is right. That is truly a blessing.
8. He has bestowed upon me with a hope for the future. One of my worst fears up until doing this wonderfully revealing Bible study, was that I would never find a man who would be willing to accept that I am "damaged goods." How silly of me to put God in a box like that! Because of this fear I set out on a crusade to compensate for what I felt like was a huge deal breaker. Instead of getting anywhere near what I thought the ideal woman was, I wound up frustrated and confused as to why I was getting further away from my goals rather than closer. The truth is my identity is no more found in how "ideal" I am. My identity is found in Christ. I can say this with complete and utter confidence, and in His goodness, God is revealing to me exactly what it means to be His child. Along with this realization came a bright hope for tomorrow, that no matter what God is working. He knows the plans that He has for me, and that's what matters. The future is starting to come into light. As I move closer to Christ, the same things that matter to Him, matter to me... specifically lost and broken people. What my role will eventually look like I am still not sure, but the pieces are coming together as they only can when a divine hand is arranging them.

So... those are a few of the positives that God has been working in my life over the past 4 years. I'm a work in progress, but that's not the point. The point is that God is and always has been working, and I can rest in the knowledge that His plan is perfect.

Aaron Keyes - Psalm 62

This song has been touching my heart recently.

"I wait quietly before God,
For my victory comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
My fortress where I will never be shaken.

Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
For my hope is is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
My fortress where I will not be shaken.
My victory and honor come from God alone.
He is my refuge, a rock where no
Enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust in him at all times.
Pour out your heart to him,
For God is our refuge.

God has spoken plainly,
And I have heard it many times:
Power, O God, belongs to you;
Unfailing love, O Lord, is yours."

Ps 62: 1-2, 5-8, 11-12

Sweet Surrender

Surrender...

When I say that I have surrendered and am daily surrendering my life to Christ, what exactly does that mean? 

I believe that when I surrendered my life, God took it. That means that He is at work in every situation, drawing me close to Him, and transforming my heart. He has shown Himself faithful in my past and I believe He will continue to be in my future. So then, why is it so hard to surrender the present?

I recognize that God's work in my life is a process, but sometimes my lack of patience gets the better of me.  I want to know with absolute certainty what God is doing and do not like having to wait. But when I try to take the wheel from His hands, and I essentially fight what He is doing, things go terribly wrong. 

I know this to be true. Heartbreaking experience tells me so. 

So, what does it mean when I sing, "... I surrender all....?"

It means that daily I ask for God's help, wisdom, and direction. I pray for His hand over my work, relationships, and future. I pray for peace. I ask for forgiveness for my selfishness, anger, mistrust, and bitterness.  I confess the resentment with which I still battle in my heart. I tell God my hopes, dreams, and deepest desires. I give them to Him to use for His purposes. 

Maybe reading this sounds like such a cliche to you. It's something that you could hear from any pastor or read in any book. Truly, learning how to surrender in prayer has been somewhat of a struggle for me. Coming to trust God, and surrender my heart to Him has been and will continue to be a process. Yet, He has been patient with me. He knows the hurts and the struggles, and does not hold them against me. 

Isn't that what surrender is about? God will have His will one way or another, but surrendering is asking God to include me in it. He is searching the earth for people with willing hearts to do His work, and surrendering is in essence giving my whole life to Him for his purposes. It is saying, "I am here Lord, imperfect though I may be, I trust that your plan is perfect, and that is enough." 

GoD And DoG by Wendy J Francisco

Watch and enjoy. This is why I love Cocoa. :)

Blessings.

Yes, 25 DOES Feel Different

I turned 25 on Friday. It was the first time that when asked if it feels any different to be 25, I can honestly respond, "Yes, it feels different." If I were to be truly honest, I'd have to say that it's because of what happened in 24.

Year 24:

Do I even remember the first few months? No, not really. I was slaving away at a thankless job, with co-workers that mocked my character, morals, and faith. Truly, working as a hairdresser was the worst job I have ever had. It was exhausting, degrading, and toxic in every imaginable way. However, in spite of that, I can honestly say that there are things that were produced in me that I am so grateful for. God promised me that He would take any situation and use it to produce His fruit, even the darkness that was hairdressing. He was faithful and delivered on His promise. 

There is one event that clearly stands out to me in the midst of those few trying months. My great-grandfather passed away in January. He was 92 years old and had the faith of a giant. When he was 20, he was diagnosed with a serious heart condition. The doctor's had anticipated that he only had a few years ahead of him before he would die, and warned my great-grandmother not to marry him. She did anyway. For the next 72 years, there was always the possibility that he would pass away at any time because of his heart condition. 

 I have one particular memory of him that was life-changing for me. A couple of years ago, my great-grandmother passed away. She had been taken to the icu unit at the local hospital, but my great-grandfather, a WWII vet who also needed treatment was taken to the veteran's hospital. There they were, my great-grandmother in one hospital and my great-grandfather in another, when she slipped into a coma, and then that agonizing decision had to be made. My mom and I went to first to visit her, and then to the veteran's hospital to visit him. We tried to make arrangements for my great-grandfather to be transported so that he could see her one last time. After 70+ years of marriage, we wanted to give him every option, but because of the risk we were told it wasn't possible. My mom wept when she told him the news. What he said next will be branded on my heart and mind forever. He took my mom's hand, then looked me straight in the eyes and said, "It's ok. We'll see each other soon." It sounds so cliche, when I read over those words, but he said it with an abundance of peace and conviction, that it pierced my heart. It was said unlike I have ever heard those words said before. Tearless up to that point, I could no longer hold back. That's what I will remember about him. Courageous, faithful, and a leader to the end, his devotion and assurance are a challenge to my faith. It has molded the person I am, and who I will become. 

This chain reaction, set the tone for the rest of my year, as I wrestled with my desires, my dreams, and my convictions. It has forced me to ask questions that I am still wrestling with, and through patient conversations with my dearest friends, Emily and Sarah, I have been challenged me to dig deeper into who God is and what His desires are for my life. Peace, Joy, Purpose, Passion, and most importantly to come to Know and Dwell in who HE IS. 

So, naturally, change.

That is what defined year 24, and is pouring into 25. January 7th is the new New Year's. It a new beginning, but also a reflection and time for praise. Even though life is changing dramatically for me as I explore God and what it means to be His child, I can rest in the promises of the things that don't change. They are the same things that my great-grandfather understood, believed, and fiercely held onto.

Blessings.