"How single God, are You- how whole!
One source are You, one way, one goal.
I tend to splinter all apart
With fractured mind, divided heart;
Oh, integrate my wandering maze
To one highway of love and praise."
"O single, mastering life of peace
At whole command the ragings cease,
Keep calling to me, "Peace be still,"
To redirect my scattered will.
Keep gathering back my heart to you.
Keep Cent'ring all I am and do."
"O focused spot of holy ground,
Silence which is the source of sound,
I drop the clutter from my soul,
Reorganized by your control;
Then single, whole, before your throne,
I give myself to you alone."
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Rude Boy - Rihanna - Classical Cover by Aston
One of these days, I'll be able to play the cello like the cellist here... beautiful!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Orual's Struggle
"We now went for a long time over grass, gently but steadily upward, making for a ridge so high and so near that the true Mountain was quite out of sight. When we stopped it, and stood for a while to let the horse breathe, everything was changed. And my struggle began.
We had come into the sunlight now, too bright to look into, and warm (I threw back my cloak.) Heavy dew made the grass jewel-bright. The Mountain, far greater yet also far further off than I expected, seem with the sun hanging a hand-breadth above its topmost crags, did not look like a solid thing. Between us and it was a vast tumble of valley and hill, woods and cliffs, and more little lakes than I could count. to left and right and behind us, the whole coloured world with all its hills was heaped up and up to the sky, with, far away, a gleam of what we call the sea (though it is not to be compared with the Great Sea of the Greeks.) There was a lark singing; but for that, huge and ancient stillness.
And my struggle was this. You may well believe that I had set out sad enough; I came on a sad errand. Now, flung at me like frolic or insolence, there came as if it were a voice-no words- but if you made it into words it would be, "Why should your heart not dance?" It's the measure of my folly that my heart almost answered, "Why not?" I had to tell myself over like a lesson the infinite reasons it had not to dance. My heart to dane? Mine whose love was taken from me, I, the ugly princess who must never look for other love, the drudge of the King, the jailer of hateful Redival, perhaps to be murdered or turned out as a beggar when my father died-for who knew what Glome would do then? And yet, it was a lesson I could hardly keep in my mind. The sight of the huge world put mad ideas into me, as if I would wander away, wander forever, see strange and beautiful things, one after the other to the world's end. The freshness and wetness all about me (I had seen nothing but drought and withered things for many months before my sickness) made me feel that I had misjudged the world; it seemed kind, and laughing, as if its heart also danced. Even my ugliness I could not quite believe in. Who can feel ugly when the heart meets delight? It is as if, somewhere inside, within the hideous face and bony limbs, one is soft, fresh, lissom and desirable. "
Orual seems to me like many adults I know. We go somberly about our responsibilities and place too much of our happiness on the sum of our experiences. I am no exception. When faced with something greater and more wondrous than my present my heart cries out, "Why should your heart not dance?" Instead of joining in, like Orual I have tendency to remind myself of all the reasons why I shouldn't. Past experiences aside, I am not a child anymore, so why should I behave like one? The world is no place for people with child-like hearts. But that's just it... isn't it those who have the awe of a child whose hearts dance? They are able to recognize beauty and glory. As Orual puts it, "Who can feel ugly when the heart meets delight?" They meet delight and are transformed by it. This is what I crave... for the renewed joy and delight of a child in my heart. The ability to look past all the reasons I should consider that sort of dancing folly, and instead delight in what is greater and more awesome. I am craving to give my heart permission to dance.
We had come into the sunlight now, too bright to look into, and warm (I threw back my cloak.) Heavy dew made the grass jewel-bright. The Mountain, far greater yet also far further off than I expected, seem with the sun hanging a hand-breadth above its topmost crags, did not look like a solid thing. Between us and it was a vast tumble of valley and hill, woods and cliffs, and more little lakes than I could count. to left and right and behind us, the whole coloured world with all its hills was heaped up and up to the sky, with, far away, a gleam of what we call the sea (though it is not to be compared with the Great Sea of the Greeks.) There was a lark singing; but for that, huge and ancient stillness.
And my struggle was this. You may well believe that I had set out sad enough; I came on a sad errand. Now, flung at me like frolic or insolence, there came as if it were a voice-no words- but if you made it into words it would be, "Why should your heart not dance?" It's the measure of my folly that my heart almost answered, "Why not?" I had to tell myself over like a lesson the infinite reasons it had not to dance. My heart to dane? Mine whose love was taken from me, I, the ugly princess who must never look for other love, the drudge of the King, the jailer of hateful Redival, perhaps to be murdered or turned out as a beggar when my father died-for who knew what Glome would do then? And yet, it was a lesson I could hardly keep in my mind. The sight of the huge world put mad ideas into me, as if I would wander away, wander forever, see strange and beautiful things, one after the other to the world's end. The freshness and wetness all about me (I had seen nothing but drought and withered things for many months before my sickness) made me feel that I had misjudged the world; it seemed kind, and laughing, as if its heart also danced. Even my ugliness I could not quite believe in. Who can feel ugly when the heart meets delight? It is as if, somewhere inside, within the hideous face and bony limbs, one is soft, fresh, lissom and desirable. "
Orual seems to me like many adults I know. We go somberly about our responsibilities and place too much of our happiness on the sum of our experiences. I am no exception. When faced with something greater and more wondrous than my present my heart cries out, "Why should your heart not dance?" Instead of joining in, like Orual I have tendency to remind myself of all the reasons why I shouldn't. Past experiences aside, I am not a child anymore, so why should I behave like one? The world is no place for people with child-like hearts. But that's just it... isn't it those who have the awe of a child whose hearts dance? They are able to recognize beauty and glory. As Orual puts it, "Who can feel ugly when the heart meets delight?" They meet delight and are transformed by it. This is what I crave... for the renewed joy and delight of a child in my heart. The ability to look past all the reasons I should consider that sort of dancing folly, and instead delight in what is greater and more awesome. I am craving to give my heart permission to dance.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Remember Nhu
Last fall I had the privilege of hosting a remarkable woman named Nhu and her adopted father, Carl Ralston. Nhu's testimony is incredibly powerful. I have a strong connection with this woman on multiple levels, and I'd like to invite to you read what she has shared with hundreds of churches here in the states.
"Thank You SO MUCH for joining us tonight. I would like to share my story. I remember I was seven years old. Near my house there was a Vietnamese church. They had a school that was more affordable than the other schools.
Because the school was in a church, I had to ask my grandmother if I could go there. She allowed me to go. My teacher helped me to study the Bible every day. Then I believed in Jesus Christian.
Then I went to church every week. I would clean the church each week before it started.
When I was 12 years old I remember my family had a very difficult life. Because all of my family did not have work, my grandmother had to borrow money.
She borrowed the money to buy food for my family. She had to pay high interest every day on the money she borrowed.
One day I saw a lady talking with my grandmother when I came back from school. My grandmother told me I might stop going to school. When she said that I knew I might be sold.
So I started to pray. I told God I was very scared and I did not know what they would want me to do.
Three or four days later, the lady took me to a doctor to make sure I was a virgin.
Then the lady took me to a man. I was just 12 years old.
He was in a hotel room and I had to stay with him for three days. I knew I had to do everything the man wanted me to do.
Before the man did anything to me, I said please do not do this to me. I cried out to God asking Him to help me not be hurt.
During those three days, I could not eat or drink anything. I never went to sleep.
The first night I was crying and I was saying all of the sin in my life, including sleeping with the man.
At that time, I believed God did not love me anymore because of my sin. I had lost all hope.
At the end of the three days, the lady picked me up and took me back to my house. I was given some aspirin for the pain but did not see a doctor.
I stayed in pain for two weeks. My life changed a lot.
I was very sad, I did not want to eat or talk to anyone. I could no longer smile.
At night, I would cry and ask God, “Why did you make me have this pain ? Why did you break my heart ?
If I did not know You, I could understand.
But, I know You. I love You.
I follow You. I talk with You. I do everything for You.
But since this happened to me please let me be the last girl this happens to.”
After about two weeks, my teacher, Trang convinced me to come back to school and church.
During the next six months I learned that my friends at school were talking about me. They were telling people I was sold. So I quit going to school and church.
I was very scared I would be sold to a brothel. So I asked my grandmother to let me go to school to learn hair and nails.
After asking for seven months, my grandmother finally said yes.
But because I did not have enough money I had to clean the school to study hair and nails.
After one year of school, I started working 12 hours each day with two days off each month. I was 14 years old.
Now I know that at the same time I started going to hair and nail school, God spoke “Remember Nhu” to my dad’s heart. I learned many people were praying for me during this time.
I learned that my dad came to Cambodia six times during this time to try and find me. Then in July 2006, we met for the first time. He told me how God spoke Remember Nhu to his heart. And how God wanted him and Laurie to help me.
Then in September 2006 I became the first worker of Remember Nhu. I started to teach the older girls in the Children’s Home how to do hair and nails.
God has done so many amazing things and showed me so much love. Jesus has given me new parents in Carl and Laurie.
He has taken me to Thailand, the Philippines’ and, America on behalf of Remember Nhu. Jesus has answered my prayers by using me to help prevent children from entering the sex trade.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story. And, thank you for coming tonight to learn how you can help the children."
If you would like to learn more about Remember Nhu... visit http://www.remembernhu.org/.
"Thank You SO MUCH for joining us tonight. I would like to share my story. I remember I was seven years old. Near my house there was a Vietnamese church. They had a school that was more affordable than the other schools.
Because the school was in a church, I had to ask my grandmother if I could go there. She allowed me to go. My teacher helped me to study the Bible every day. Then I believed in Jesus Christian.
Then I went to church every week. I would clean the church each week before it started.
When I was 12 years old I remember my family had a very difficult life. Because all of my family did not have work, my grandmother had to borrow money.
She borrowed the money to buy food for my family. She had to pay high interest every day on the money she borrowed.
One day I saw a lady talking with my grandmother when I came back from school. My grandmother told me I might stop going to school. When she said that I knew I might be sold.
So I started to pray. I told God I was very scared and I did not know what they would want me to do.
Three or four days later, the lady took me to a doctor to make sure I was a virgin.
Then the lady took me to a man. I was just 12 years old.
He was in a hotel room and I had to stay with him for three days. I knew I had to do everything the man wanted me to do.
Before the man did anything to me, I said please do not do this to me. I cried out to God asking Him to help me not be hurt.
During those three days, I could not eat or drink anything. I never went to sleep.
The first night I was crying and I was saying all of the sin in my life, including sleeping with the man.
At that time, I believed God did not love me anymore because of my sin. I had lost all hope.
At the end of the three days, the lady picked me up and took me back to my house. I was given some aspirin for the pain but did not see a doctor.
I stayed in pain for two weeks. My life changed a lot.
I was very sad, I did not want to eat or talk to anyone. I could no longer smile.
At night, I would cry and ask God, “Why did you make me have this pain ? Why did you break my heart ?
If I did not know You, I could understand.
But, I know You. I love You.
I follow You. I talk with You. I do everything for You.
But since this happened to me please let me be the last girl this happens to.”
After about two weeks, my teacher, Trang convinced me to come back to school and church.
During the next six months I learned that my friends at school were talking about me. They were telling people I was sold. So I quit going to school and church.
I was very scared I would be sold to a brothel. So I asked my grandmother to let me go to school to learn hair and nails.
After asking for seven months, my grandmother finally said yes.
But because I did not have enough money I had to clean the school to study hair and nails.
After one year of school, I started working 12 hours each day with two days off each month. I was 14 years old.
Now I know that at the same time I started going to hair and nail school, God spoke “Remember Nhu” to my dad’s heart. I learned many people were praying for me during this time.
I learned that my dad came to Cambodia six times during this time to try and find me. Then in July 2006, we met for the first time. He told me how God spoke Remember Nhu to his heart. And how God wanted him and Laurie to help me.
Then in September 2006 I became the first worker of Remember Nhu. I started to teach the older girls in the Children’s Home how to do hair and nails.
God has done so many amazing things and showed me so much love. Jesus has given me new parents in Carl and Laurie.
He has taken me to Thailand, the Philippines’ and, America on behalf of Remember Nhu. Jesus has answered my prayers by using me to help prevent children from entering the sex trade.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story. And, thank you for coming tonight to learn how you can help the children."
If you would like to learn more about Remember Nhu... visit http://www.remembernhu.org/.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
The Holy Spirit, Guilt, and Conviction
In the journey of making our faith our own, there always comes a point when we put to the test what we have been taught or have come to believe in the past. I don't think that we ever stop putting our faith to the test and we continue digging deep for Spiritual and Biblical truths. Recently, I've been looking at who the Holy Spirit is and how He works in my life, particularly in the area of conviction.
Growing up, I was told that the Holy Spirit is in essence your conscience. He is was tells you what is right or wrong. Partially true, partially not with the not part being a false seed that lead to all sorts of inaccurate beliefs. However, I have to give my teachers credit for always doing their best and in all honestly, how do you explain the Holy Spirit and his work to a child? I think this over-simplification of who the Holy Spirit is can cause a bit of confusion when it comes to identifying how He works. The Holy Spirit is not our conscience. Our conscience is a combination of our ideals, spiritual goals, thoughts that we have nurtured into beliefs, and influences from our culture and society. It is the filter through which we perceive everything in our environment. What happens to my filter/conscience when the Holy Spirit is working in my life?
One of the many promises of salvation is that I no longer need to be a slave to guilt or shame. God promises to help me identify the behaviors that are not only destructive to me but those that are also keeping me from growing in my relationship with Him. Then He helps me to overcome those behaviors. So, how do I know the difference between guilt and conviction? I've taken quotes from Robert McGee's book "The Search for Significance" and listed them below. Reading over these differences has helped me to put things into perspective, learn who the Holy Spirit truly is, and also identify where there is a battlefield in my life.
"Perhaps no emotion is more destructive than guilt. It causes a loss of self-respect. It causes the human spirit to wither, and it eats away at our personal significance. Guilt is a strong motivation, but it plays on our fears of failure and rejection; therefore, it can never ultimately build, encourage, or inspire us in our desire to live for Christ."
One of the many promises of salvation is that I no longer need to be a slave to guilt or shame. God promises to help me identify the behaviors that are not only destructive to me but those that are also keeping me from growing in my relationship with Him. Then He helps me to overcome those behaviors. So, how do I know the difference between guilt and conviction? I've taken quotes from Robert McGee's book "The Search for Significance" and listed them below. Reading over these differences has helped me to put things into perspective, learn who the Holy Spirit truly is, and also identify where there is a battlefield in my life.
"Perhaps no emotion is more destructive than guilt. It causes a loss of self-respect. It causes the human spirit to wither, and it eats away at our personal significance. Guilt is a strong motivation, but it plays on our fears of failure and rejection; therefore, it can never ultimately build, encourage, or inspire us in our desire to live for Christ."
1. Guilt focuses on the state of being condemned: "I am unworthy." Conviction focuses on behavior: "This act is unworthy of Christ and is destructive."
2. Guilt deals with the sinner's loss of self-esteem and a wounded self-pride: "What will others think of me?" Conviction deals with the loss of our moment-by moment communication with God: "This act is destructive to me and interferes with my walk with God."
3. Guilt produces a fear of punishment: "Now I'm going to get it!" Conviction produces a fear of the destructiveness of the act itself. "This behavior is destructive to me and others, and it robs me of what God intends for me."
4. The agent of guilt is Satan: "The god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelieving, that they might not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ" (2 Cor 4:4) The agent of conviction is the Holy Spirit: "But if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live." (Rom 8:13)
5. Guilt leads to depression and more sin: "I am just a low-down, dirty, rotten sinner"; or to rebellion: "I don't care. I'm going to do whatever I want to do." Conviction leads to repentance, the turning from sin to Christ: "Lord, I agree with You that my sin is wrong and destructive. What do You want me to do?"
6. The interpersonal result of guilt is alienation, a feeling of shame that drives one away from the person who has been wronged, the person who has wronged you, or the person who has witnesses the wrong: "I can't ever face him or her again." The interpersonal result of conviction is restoration, a desire to remedy the harm done to others: "Father, what would You have me do to right this wrong and restore the relationship with the one I have offended?"
7. Guild ends in depression, bitterness, and self-pity: "I'm just no good." Conviction ends in comfort, the realization of forgiveness: "You have made me complete and have given me the righteousness of Christ, even though my performance often falls short."
Reading over these differences has helped me to put things into perspective, learn who the Holy Spirit truly is, and also identify where there is a battlefield in my life.
Reading over these differences has helped me to put things into perspective, learn who the Holy Spirit truly is, and also identify where there is a battlefield in my life.
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